Monday, June 25, 2007
At the end of his Watch Night liturgy, John Wesley writes:
"I am no longer my own, but thine. Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee. Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal."
I am " laid aside" for a purpose. Some things have arisen in my personal life that need time and attention. The last four years have been a time of frenzied movement from jobs, meetings, classes, appointments, committments, sandwiched between the dying and death of my brother and mother, settling estates and all the shifting involved. Four years later, I am finding that I still have not taken the time to stop and even process the grief. Four years later, I am finding that I am out of touch with the person I vowed almost twenty five years ago to love, honor and cherish until death parted us.
Athlete's cross train when they want to stay fit and active throughout the year and utilize all their muscle groups. This is a period of "cross-training" in my life. God's timing is perfect. There are reasons why now is not the best time for an appointment at this place in my journey. Cross training has taught me that the work we do in the secular world is also a calling and a ministry if we choose to approach it as such. I will return to my secular job as my "calling" for now. Cross training has taught me that I am not my own, I belong to Jesus, and what I want, in the time I want it, if it is not what God wants, needs to be nailed to the cross and left there so that I can be free and unencumbered to be all God wants for me to be. What is of the flesh is flesh, what is of the Spirit is Spirit.